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Here, feel free to send Heights Frisbee member Vince Barrett your thoughts, ideas, dreams, concerns, fears, poetry, and
more. If we find your letter amusing in the least, we will feature it online right here below. So send away!
Helge Vineschweitz Strubenvaser
Dear Heights Ultimate Frisbee members:
Thank you for visiting www.extrahelp.com, the site at which I am housed. My supervisor has informed me of your request for a
personal guardian for the rising number of youngins who seem to follow heights ultimate frisbee players to every game, unattended. I am pleased
to inform you that I am able to meet your requirements. I, Helge Strubenvaser, of Helsinki, Finland
have much experiance in the guardian field. I can speak fluent English and Finnish, which may aid you during international
ultimate frisbee conferences. I would also like to inform you that I have excellent culinary skills and have housed
the trophy for a price winning strudel for six consecutive years. My skills in ultimate frisbee are known throughout
all of Finland, Austria, and the town of Lechownitz in south-west Germany. I am proud to say that it was I
who introduced the noble sport into the curricula of every European school. Although Americans have a
rather roudier way of playing, I believe my experience will carry me through any difficulties controlling your vast crowds
of fans. I have planned a daily schedule concerning the well being of the children, who will attend a five week program
in preparation the the heights 0607 ultimate frisbee season. I have included a sample of one day of this program
for your observation and approval.
7:30 - Children rise for a cold bath and a breakfast of smoked salmon on a slice of toasted
rye bread served with eggs benidict with a glass of pureed Guava and Passionfruit shake. This balanced breakfast
should improve coordination and split second reflexes.
8:30 The children head to the dressing rooms to garb themselves in their tailored heights fan uniforms. I
will provide the main pieces of burlap for the girls' jumpers and boys' breeches, yet I request for you to provide the white
kneesocks and maroon loafers.
9:00 The children and I proceed to the library for their daily ultimate frisbee history lessons
instructed by noneother than me, Helge Strubenvaser.
10:30 - We take a stroll to the park and I enrich the childrens' cultural knowledge by teaching them
the game of ultimate frisbee.
11:30 - We proceed home for lunch consisting of lamb liver casserole and a side of aspargus head
dipped in hoisinn sause. Hoisinn sauce has magical properties, known to enhance speed of mind and team unity.
12:15 - After the childrens' lunch we head to their sleeping quarters for a study in the epitome
of the heights man followed by a hour and a half intense study of ultimate frisbee technique.
1:45 - The children have a fifteen minute restroom break.
2:00 - The children and I break for afternoon tea time where the children will eat a light
meal of honed tea and Brie cheese. This quick break will provide the necessary energy for the rest of the taxing day.
3:30 - We proceed to the dining room for a lesson in proper frisbee-fan edicate
4:30 - I begin to prepare the evening meal and my assistant Perte will instruct the children in
the fine art of the jump, a most necessary skill in any serious game of ultimate frisbee
5:45 - The children children will sanitize their hands and dress in their dining attire.
6:00 - Dinner will be served, which will consists of roast duck sauteed in a Kassenendok
sauce with scallopped potatoes and beanrice salad. My prize winning apple strudel will be served for dessert.
7:00 - The children will brush their teeth and hair and wash their faces before retiring to
their sleeping quarters at 7:30, where they will write letters of support to each member of the frisbee team.
8:00- on game nights, children will spend evening time preparing cheers and quality entertainment
for the halftime shows.
Before you contemplate the matters of my employment, I would like to inform you of certain terms.
I insist on punctuality, respect, and obedience at all times and under all conditions. I also will not accept children
over the age of 27 under my care- the health hazard and subsequent lack-of-frisbee skill, which comes from old age, is
not tolerated. I check my internet messages frequently and can be reached at strubenvaser@yahoo.co.uk . Thank you.
Best regards,
Helge Vineschweitz Strubenvaser
well Helge i think your plan for our fans would
work quite nicely; we need to whip our legions of fans into shape. I really think this could help prepare some of these fans
to (MAYBE) one day make the jump to the big leagues and play with the illustrious heights ultimate squad. About your offer
to represent us at international frisbee meetings, we certainly accept. The heights really needs more international competition
and exposure, besides our need for huge european parties and French wine. I'll reccommend your program to the heights
frisbee board of trustees and we will strongly consider your program- our fans are gettin pretty lazy... Since thousands
of fans will be itching to get those few desired spots in the program, we will conduct try-outs based on frisbee
skill, cheering ability, and food/drink supplying capacity to the frisbee team after tough games (fans take note- Armand's
pizza and Taco Bell are preferred). Those scallopped potatoes do sound pretty tasty...
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
r fridd writes:
> When the Shameless Fools
play one has the religious sense that that they are creating the meaning of life and that he or she is not merely listening
to their works but experiencing that meaning. The Shameless fools a are too-little known and extremely talented and well-sounding
band, composed of four awesome prodigy-rockers (that Attend the Heights school) that are destined to become professional and
to use all the inferior professional bands that were (until the Shameless Fools formed) considered the best of our time as
stepping stools to the ranking they deserve, number one because they are the best band that I or anyone else has ever heard
of even thought about in the history of history. I write this article to expose their awesomeness and to attract even more
loyal fans to their ear-awing concerts not to mention the spectacular fog, lighting, decoration and setup that is characteristic
of their concerts . though they have only had one; this is such a Shame
> (they are supposed to be Shameless)
because the soldier who hears the awesome-crazy voice of Adam in the battlefield is enthralled and reassured; the religious
man is exalted in his prayer by the sound of Conors earthquake-causing G-string in the church; the lover is carried away and
her conscience stilled by Chris.s romantic guitar, Futhermore the Heights Cavaliers and gentlemen feel a sudden burst of chivalry
and mankind a rush of integrity and virtue when Uday beats his mad cylinders, providing the beet that guides the playing of
the greatest band that in turn guide everyone to live everyday life extraordinarily well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where does you guys get his sweet socks?
> ~Harlan
Welll Harlan, first off... your straight up crazzzzy, I meen nuts man. However there is truth in what you said. The
Shameless Fools are a exclent and talented band except what uve seen is only the first glance into the ROCK-U-MENOTRY that
will be there life from hence forth. While there first show featured major pimpage + a fog machine (an epic combo). I believe
that they can improve in several areas including: power-stances, 10 minute guitar solos, headshots, and downhill slalom. I
meen a guitars are pimp but in Battlefield 2 (for pc cus i dont own the crapped up counsel version) u can't get head shots
with Guitars, so Illd suggest like maybe a g36k, its the specials-ops unlockable weapon and is wayy pimp. As far as Connor
going to churches in a g-string... Im not gunna judge what great guitarests do in there spare time. He probobly goes by the
motto, the less underwear he wears the more groupies he gets (just a geuss) Chris and Uday are mighty and are likely morphin.
The band together could probobly form some sort of "megazord" and beat the bad guy after the Witch Ladie makes it bigger with
the staff thing. Finally for sock comment, I cant tell you now because Jose's probobly reading this and that meens he would
find out and be able to kill the awesomeness of socks with designs. Ask me in person and Ill tell you.
and remember: "envi
sci homework aint gunna happenn, when second semester hits u know we be slacken"
~~~vince~~~
Eva writes:
just wanted to say that after getting bored in Mole Bio i decided to check up on your website, and i find it completely
hillarous. I dont know any of you, being a random Churchill girl you talked to at the Sligo pool game...but whoever Krohn
is, he is quite amusing.
and for what its worth, i love the mouse tagger thingie.
~that girl
hey, thanks for the mail and yeah, we're really proud of our beatifull website, almost as proud as those canadians
are of there sub-par country. Regardless of the canooks, im glad ur enjoying our website. and im sure Krohn is glad you've
enjoyed his wit. We're scrimming you this weekend so I hope to see you there.
and remember: "for the last time jose, i refuse to tell you where to buy the sweet socks!"
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Krohn writes:
Hey,
As a cofounder of the illustrious Heights Frisbee program, I am very disappointed to see all this talk about Boca Burgers.
Back in my day (over two years ago), everyone ate slimy pizza from Old Man Baptista before going to the tennis courts to
play. I see no reason why current
frisbee players should do anything different.
So what's the deal here? Why are Boca Burgers so good? Seems to me that they're just an unsatisfactory attempt to imitate
a real juicy beef
hamburger.
- Charles Krohn
ahh old Chip Krohn, the elderly brother of Will. You bring up a good point, in the days of old we were forced to consume
taley-ho pizza, cold, day after day from old man Batista. Unfortunatly old mans selection has been rapidly decreasing, first
it was chocolate at break, then it turned into the elimination of candy at break and now: chocolate all together (lunch included).
A travesty by any standard. This lead to our of campus lunching experiences. After trying many diffrent meals such as: krohn
and his assorted salads, ranch 1 philly chickes or fajitas. we finaly found our saviour. Its form: a delicious fake beef patti.
Calling them unsastifactory is blasphemy. Heights frisbee has a craving, one which can only be satisfied with a thick, juicy,
suculant boca burger. Not to mention none of us have to feel guilty about our contribution to the evil meat industry.
and remember: Im on one mission, to kill an old tradition, make a meat eater like a black and white television its time
to take the dying out of what we eat so get outta your seat cause its time to [play frisbee] -Good Cleam Fun
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
kelly zdenek writes:
umm yeah...wynne showed me how she got 2 be on krohns profile. uh uh not cool. i was the original person (if u look back
2 early fan mail)who said that krohn was a FOXX. Okay, and ya know what wynne it is now broughten. and i should be the fan
of the month b/c i was the one who gave vince the idea (thx 4 the credit). wynne, even tho were biffs im letting u kno that
were now in a rumble over incredibly buff/cunning/hott heights frisbee players. you're going down (chinatowndown).
*PeAcE*
~KELLY
fiesty Kelly, reallll fiesty. Yeah there really is no denying that your the original. Its threw you that we descovered
that will is a walking disney movie.(side note: if kevin was a disney movie he would be bambi, that kid's not long for this
life) however this fight shall be resolved the way all girl fights should: mud wrestling. As for the fact that heights frisbee
is buff/cunning and hot, well i can't deny it, that's pretty much a fact. thnx for the mail kelly and c u at work camp.
o and while you're in china town could you pick me some foakleys, i hear there pretty cheap there.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt writes:
Just when I think that no one can get more self-centered than Will Lowe you say this We want people to know "I am
not just legendary frisbee player vince barrett, im also legendary friend vince". Great job vince you have done the
imposible
-Matt
Matt brings up a good point here: "great job vince, you have done the impossible." I would have to agree. In
years before Heights frisbee people believed silly things like "theres no way a catholic school would be any good at
frisbee" or "theres no way pat quine could catch that" or "this burger is so delicious it can't be vegetarian."
But thanks to Heights Frisbee (and Boca Burger) what was considered impossible is now not only reality but common knowledge.
keep'n it real, eat'n boca not veal.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Lucy writes:
Vince,
Alright, I checked out your website, it is rockin' I have to say. I'm not quite sure what to write, but I am sending
fanmail. yay! All I can really say is keep doing frisbee, it's awesome and rock on.
-Lucy
I can't deny it any longer. our website really is rocken, and not just one type of rock. youll find diffrent types scattered
all over the website: the main page is like classic rock because its been rockin since the websites been up. The picture page
is like new age because its new and all of our pictures make us look rediculous. Athlete of the months is hardcore because....
lets face it, we're hardcore. Fan mail with vince is ska.... cus im vince and Fan of the months is emo, because its desolite,
sad and empty. Over all our website brings all these forms of rock together to create some sort of rock orchestra, the webmaster
are the conducters. But fellas i have to give mad props to lucy, shes been in this ska business longer then i have and is
quite rocken herself. thnx 4 the mail.
and remember....
passar la raton con mis amigos.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wynne Anderson writes:
um good pix, and krohn is rather foxxxy
~lol vince you know who
Great to hear from you wynne and i would have to agree with you he is foxxxy. However Krohns foxxxynes has little to do
with his dog like goodlooks, rather they are a adjective that acurately describes his persoanality. Will slides in and out
of social arangements like a fox sliding in and out of hollowed out logs. It's not uncommon to see krohn slip his way out
of a tuesday night ride, beach trip or social gathering. Its like god was watching (the disney classic) "The Fox and
The Hound" when he made Will. Also, by the way i do know who, if by that u meen who stole the cookies from the cookie
jar... it was probobly that fox, will.
and remember...
my life as a teenage robot is not considered drama television.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marcela writes:
listen vince just cos you all are celebs now doesnt mean you can forget the old friends:) where have you been? latterrr
-Marcela
Marcela is right on this one. As a team we must remember even while we are making beefy hucks and zeus like catches
we are also friend, lovers, and family members. This we can not forget. While its true our 40 hours of practice time per week
does take a block out of the amount of freetime we have, we must struggle to make time for those who matter in our lives.
We want people to know "I am not just legendary Frisbee player vince barrett, im also legendary friend vince"
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Curtis writes:
Vince,
I Don't know you. But I know Will. Hes my dog. Seriously hes a dauchsund. GO
HEIGHTS FRIZ!
-Curtis
I see my reputation precedes me. Will often has been mistaken for a dog (though kevin is usually mistaken for a "dawg").
But make no mistake his dog like similarities contribute to his rugged good looks. "your friend Will is hot"- Kelly
Zdenick. I'd say thats proof right there. As for a dauchsund, well ive never heard of that type of dog so I'll give u the
benifit of the doubt.
Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nate writes:
Remember that time when we during our breaks we'd go play with your team? That was SWEET. Also, my school is to lame this
year to have a frisbee team, we should join yours. Also, you should have a theme song and that song should either be The Final
Countdown by Europe or Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight by Spinal Tap
-Nate
Ahhh yes, our good friend and liberal brother nate. those days were great, i especially enjoyed when luke (mcabes younger
brother) started schooling everyone from both schools. On the theme song issue, well final countdown has always been one of
the unofficial theme songs along with the great "new noise" by the refused. This sunday we will strive to bring
out a boom box so we can play these 2 songs to pump us up before our pre game "simma-down" and remember We at the
heights, like to "keep things real" thats why we eat the only vegeburger thats real enough for the streets, BOCA
burger.
~~~vince~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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